I've tried to write this post a hundred times.
We were devastated.
I've felt as if I've dropped off the face of the earth since then. So where have I been? Work has been good but busy and in our spare time, we have been nursing our sweet boy. And although I wanted to write and share my sadness with all of you, thinking it would be cathartic and comforting, every time I sat down to update you all on my life, I couldn't spare the energy. I just couldn't find the oomph to write out the details. It was just so sad and I wanted to enjoy the time I had with him, not focus on the negative.
So why now? Well, Spencer lost his battle last Thursday. We said goodbye to him on a beautiful, warm afternoon - it was an agonizing decision, but the end was peaceful. My husband and I are both veterinarians and we have helped people with this decision for years. I've cried alongside patients and friends as they said their parting words to their furry companions. We even had to say goodbye to one of our own a year and a half ago. But it was different then. As sad as it was, a year and a half ago, Freya had emergency surgery for a twisted stomach. She never woke up from anesthesia. So she made the decision for us, even though it was so hard to let her go. With Spencer, we had to make the decision after we felt that is quality of life was non-existent and when we thought we were keeping him going for us, not him. Finally, his hind end gave out on him and my husband and I decided it was time. I cried for a day and a half. I could see he was tired. I could see he was uncomfortable. But the guilt and pain involved with making this decision was so overwhelming. I'm sure a lot of you know what I mean.
Now that all is said and done, we are so sad but there's something else. No guilt. I know now, even though it feels as if there is a hole in my chest, that it was the right decision. He is free from pain and weakness. He is free from cancer. I firmly believe he is reunited with Freya. He has all the tennis balls he can handle. He is himself again.
I still cry; when I look for him in his "spot", when I see a toy or his bed, when I think of saying goodbye. But we laugh and smile too. Thinking of him and everything he meant to us. He was with us for 11 and half years. Before we were married. Before we moved, again and again and again. He's been with us through graduation from veterinary school, our first jobs, my residency… he was always there. I even helped deliver him as a pup :)
He was so interwoven with our lives. He and Freya. And it feels like there's a huge emptiness now they're gone. But they have left our hearts so full and our lives more complete. As Roger Caras so aptly said, "Dogs are not our whole lives, but they make our lives whole".
So in memory of them both, here's a little list of all the things I've learned from Spencer and Freya.
1. Live each and every day. Greet the day with gusto. I've been guilty of letting life pass me by from time to time. To busy to do this or that. But now, because of them, I'll try to enjoy more of the things life has to offer. To earnestly try. And sometimes that might mean relaxing and taking a bit of "me" time too :)
2. If I'm with someone I love, BE with that someone. No matter the day at work, every time I stepped foot through the door, there they were. So happy that I was home. And that was it. They just wanted to be with us. Well, let's be completely honest, dinner time was part of their excitement :) Instead of focusing on other things, I want people I love to know how important they are to me.
3. Forgive and move on. No need to say more.
4. Wag more, bark less. I am in control of how much things affect me. And while there is a time and place for you to stand up for yourself or others, there is also something to be said for not letting angry or unhappy people drag you into their emotional pit.
5. It's the little things that matter most. Like tennis balls :) Little things like "I love you" before bedtime, every night. Saying a word of encouragement or praise to someone who does an really good job. A note to say "I'm thinking about you". These are all small things but can mean so much.
6. Accept people for who they are. We are not all the same. We are not made the same way. But we are all human and deserve to be treated with respect and compassion. This is so cliche, however, you never know someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes so we shouldn't jump to assumptions based on an action or how they look. Dogs don't judge based purely on appearance. Dogs really don't judge. A good lesson indeed.
7. Love unconditionally. Boy, that's a tough one. Mostly because as humans, we all have our own agendas. But dogs truly love unconditionally and should be a model for how we treat each other as human beings. Dogs sometimes approach people, animals or situations with trepidation, and that's ok. We should be able to trust our instincts. But if you earn their trust, which usually doesn't take much effort, the love you get in return is unquestioning.
Sorry for the length of this post but I finally needed to share :) Spencer and Freya were not "just dogs" to us, they were part of our family. Perhaps some may not feel the same way or share the same thought process… and that's OK. But what I feel it boils down to isn't animals vs people and who you should love more or less, it's about love. Period.
Here's to you and yours. I wish you health wealth and happiness :) Thanks for reading!
TTFN,
34 Responses to Remembering Spencer...
Oh Andrea, I am so sorry. This brought tears to my eyes. I have lost a dog of my own as well and it is never easy. I wish you strength and happiness in the weeks to come.
Hugs~
Oh, Andrea I'm so very, very sorry to hear about Spencer :(
I know things are probably looking really tough right now, but you need to keep looking at this post to pick yourself up; the lessons learnt from both Spencer and Freya mean that they'll be a part of you forever :)
Sending you all my hugs across the pond to you!
Aimes
x
Oh Andrea I am so sorry for your loss. I cried as I read your post. My heart just breaks for you. Your dogs become your family and such a big part of your life. Find comfort in knowing Spencer is no longer in pain and is now with Freya. (((hugs)))
SO very sorry for your lost...I to put one down and it hurts so much...We had him thirteen years...He also had cancer...We got another...and she gave us joy again...God Bless...Mary
Sorry for your loss. I have been there, totally understand what you are going through and what you went through to get to this point. Hopefully, with time the pain will ease and only the great memories and the love you shared will remain!
Blessings!
I understand completely Andrea,what beautiful photos of your beloved friends/family members. My thoughts and prayers are with you my friend.
so sorry, andrea. lovely tribute:)
I'm very sorry for your loss Andrea. I know Spencer is in dog Heaven with Freya, my Ginger and all the other dogs chasing tennis balls until their hearts are content :) I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
Thank you for being there for me and my dogs, answering the endless questions and providing a shoulder to cry on via email and the phone. You are one amazing veterinarian as I am sure your husband is as well and I know both Spencer and Freya received the best of care and lots of love throughout their lives. Sending big cyber hugs your way my dear friend :)
Oh Andrea, Brought tears to my eyes. About a month ago we had to put our Quaker Parrot, Alex down, he was 15 years old. He developed a large sore on his stomach which started tearing his insides and developed diabetes. Every morning he greeted you with a good morning, and new when you were feeling down, and would just sit and talk your ear off. There's not a day that goes by that I miss saying "Hi Alex! My prayers are with you, pets become a part of you and your family, there are still people that can't believe that I still grieve for Alex, they tell me he was just a bird, but he was family! Its better to have been loved than not! Bev
What a wonderful, beautiful tribute. A month ago our yellow lab was diagnosed with bone cancer and just the other day I was thinking of starting a tribute post like this so I never forget him. Thanks for the inspiration, but I hope I don't have to write my own for a couple of more months. Beautiful puppies you had, may their memories stay with your forever.
So sorry to hear of the loss of your sweet Spencer, Ihad tears running down my face the entire time I read your post. They are so much more then dogs, they are family. Hugs to you!
OH my goodness girl! What a beautiful post! My heart aches for you! I am so sorry for your loss! They become members of our families and have such a place in our hearts! Sending hugs and prayers your way!!
aw, Andrea, I know you told me this earlier, but reading this beautiful post and tribute just touched me so much. I love what your precious companions taught you (and me!). How true...it is so obvious how much they meant to you. I hope you can feel the hugs and love I'm sending your way during this very sad and difficult time.
My heart goes out to you Andrea... I do so well know how you feel now.
This post is beautiful and those words so well said..its all about LOVE.
Hugs Holly
So sorry for your loss. Your words touched me. I was just the other day explaining to my son what unconditional love is as he was cuddling with our dog. Many happy memories to you and your family.
so sorry! i know the feeling of loosing a pet/family member :(
I am so sorry for your loss. This truly is a great post and some great lessons for all of us. My SIL's dog is not doing so well either...he had cancer in one of his hind legs and they decided to amputate. He was ok for awhile, then he started to get really lethargic. Now something is wrong with his eye and they want to take that out too...I know she is struggling with the decision of whether or not to put him down. The same old question, "am I keeping him alive for him or me?" It's really hard. We ourselves have an English Mastiff, Bud Dog. I don't know what we would do without him. He is an AMAZING dog and my son's best friend. My heart truly goes out to you. :)
Lauren
laurenslittlecraftyplace.blogspot.com
landerson dot 1018 at gmail dot com
Not two seconds after I posted the last comment my husband texted me and said that his sister is putting her dog down today. :(
What a perfect tribute, straight from the heart and depths of the soul! I finished reading a few minutes ago and still have goosebumps.
Right now our lives are blessed with Cooper, the dearest cockapoo grandpuppy. He has been diagnosed with juvenile renal dysplasia, and he will be 2 in August, the average lifespan of dogs with this condition. The vets told our son and daughter-in-law to spoil him and enjoy the time given, which is what we all do. I'm saving this tribute to Spencer to share with them when the time comes. Thank you so much for touching us so deeply with these words.
Feeling your sadness :(
I Have just found your blog by clicking but I felt I just neededto read what you put about Freya and Spencer, I feel everything you say.
I am so very sorry for you losing part of your family, thinking of you.
Carol Bignall
What beautiful lessons! I am so sorry for the loss of your dear friend.
What a fitting tribute to those who have given you two so much! It really is true - if we could learn to be more like dogs, we'd be all the better for it.
Fantastic insight, Andrea...thanks for sharing.
Oh, Andrea! Thank God for pics...to help us to look back on the love and fun we had with them! They are the most wonderful companions in the world, and I can see why God made them for us. My heart aches for you and I'm also sending hugs and love.
Oh Andrea, my heart aches for you. Thinking of you during this difficult time!
Feeling your pain and loss as tears are streaming down my face and I am remembering our Maverick and Ty. Beautiful, beautiful tribute you have written. Sending love and prayers to you and your hubby.
I can't get over that sweet picture of your pups together. I don't know what I can say that hasn't already been said, or that would help ease your loss even a tiny bit, but I want you to know that I'm thinking of you. Sending warm hugs, my friend.
What an amazing post. You spoke straight from your heart and I'm sure that your sweet dog knows how much he was loved. God Bless
Andrea, this is a BEAUTIFUL post! I just want to say I LOVE you and appreciate you for who you are! HUGS to you my friend!
Andrea, I'm so sorry for your loss. You've written a beautiful post and I agree with everything you've said about dogs. I understand every feeling you've expressed. Your photos of Spencer and Freya are beautiful. You are in my thoughts. Hugs to you.
Thanks for this!
Heike
I am so very very sorry for your loss. Your pictures and tribute are so beautiful. After my husband read it he went and hugged are 2 dogs. It was very sweet. Thank you for sharing those beautiful pictures and remining us just how special are furry friends are to us. Patty
I am so very very sorry for your loss. Your pictures and tribute are so beautiful. After my husband read it he went and hugged are 2 dogs. It was very sweet. Thank you for sharing those beautiful pictures and remining us just how special are furry friends are to us. Patty
Thank you so very much for sharing the beautiful pictures and tribute. After my husband read it he went and hugged are 2 dogs. It was very sweet. Thank you for reminding us just how special are furry friends are to us. I'm so sorry for your loss. Patty
Post a Comment